Sunday, December 11, 2011


do you hear the background noise?
living in the shadows of our fear

go ahead
let it go
it never mattered
watch it fall away

the world stops to watch
through rose colored lenses
feeling our love
intense and transparent

learning to walk
changing our life's purpose

run towards me, not away
this is not an exercise
in futility
this is life and it's so real

feeling the need, sealing our faith
counting our lucky scars

breaking the surface
coming up for air

breathing (for the first time)

lightning crashing around us
we fall in surrender

kiss me

Saturday, December 3, 2011

feeling it

every time I think of you
my heart swells, pounding
dancing joyously in my chest
whenever I ponder what might be
my mind wanders/wonders
lost in a daydream of possibility
thoughts of you come faster and faster
taking me, stealing my breath, lifting me up
leaving me starry eyed and (magnificently) distracted

is this what I think it is? no....couldn't be (could it?)
it's been so long since I've felt this way
it's a warm, wonderful, unfamiliar feeling
like the embrace of God, so inviting
do you feel it too? or is it just a trick of my heart?
I've been deceived before, betrayed by my hopes
sometimes you want something so badly
you're willing to run toward the thirsty
but I feel you so this can't be a mirage (can it?)

run with me and let's find out together
I know it's scary, I get what?
if you hold my hand and look me in the eyes
feel the touch of my lips on yours, so soft
trust in your heart as I have come to
the world only holds the power we give it
let's take it back, let's live this dream
nothing is more courageous than real love
and you haven't lived/loved until you've felt it

it lives in the dream of your kiss...

Friday, December 2, 2011

boxing paul

...and if sometimes, I can't seem to talk
you'll know this blackboard lacks a piece of chalk...

Stan Ridgeway

Saturday, November 26, 2011


shot from a cannon
hitting the wall
breaking the waves

driven by urgency
desperation (fear, it's always fear)
driven by history

looking as I leap
have mercy on me
watching your shadow pass
the faith is in my fall

caught up in connection
can't catch my breath
pieces of me tumbling
head over heals

(careful what you wish for)

make me scream
dance with my soul
make that leap of faith
I love this part...

Tuesday, November 22, 2011

been a while

my mind is quiet, my soul subdued
not sure I like this...I miss the chaos

more to come

Sunday, November 6, 2011

shine with me

like old varnish
colors mutate
belief will fade
love can fail
shining bright
like the sun
resigned to go down

breathe it in
while it lasts
when it's gone
climb to the top (alone)
look around
everything comes
at a price

sun sets earlier
as autumn arrives
moon chasing it down
dark and lonely
never ending pursuit
always dies first

take me in
make us whole
keep it in faith
holy and sacred
let's fill this space
with all we can be
holding it close


When I woke up this morning, the world felt right. Sometimes you have to put your life in perspective, you have to look at the highs and the lows and realize that even though it isn't perfect, it's pretty damn good. You wake up and have a cup of coffee, knowing you are loved and feel the warmth of the sun on your face and in your life.

I like where I am, I like what I do and I like where it's going. I'm inspired by green eyes and clear thoughts. Good days being followed by great days. I feel it. Bring it...

Friday, November 4, 2011

your green eyes

green eyes
just a color a mood

sometimes in the middle of...
out of place

you've touched me
reached right out
grabbed me
I sense my grasp on reality.........slipping

I know the love I feel is real
yours mine ours
is it the same for you?

does your mind play tricks on me
excitement making you anxious to know
love can feel like a bus
running me over or
a wind
lifting me like a leaf, gently
blowing me in your direction
I can't tell the difference

help me feel this, make it real


Tuesday, November 1, 2011


I lie awake
night enveloping me
thoughts of you creep in
stealing my heart's fear

longing for your touch
soft and sweet, purposeful
friend, lover, savior
insecurities melt away

wish I were with you
closing the distance
discovering our potential
detaching from the pain

passion is hard to find
even harder to hold
you give me faith
we give me hope

live, love, learn with me
don't fear the night
it belongs to us now
stay and burn...

like a house on fire

Saturday, October 22, 2011

the weight

calm down
just stop

my enthusiasm
makes you uncomfortable
is it the intrusion?
(your life's a prize?)
what is it about
that creeps you out?
is it the exposure?

you really want
reward without
sensation without
love without

where's the adventure in that?

Friday, October 21, 2011

fate loves the fearless

this would be so much easier if I could only stop caring...but you give me hope (damn you)
...why does asking for your love make me weak?

more to come...

Sunday, October 16, 2011

the unknown

there is no safety in the unknown
but it is our only hope
live and love fearlessly

Saturday, October 15, 2011


take all you want
(want all you take)
feel the way you hate
(hate the way you feel)

it's been a while since any of this made sense
the things we're most frightened of are the most worthwhile
can't you feel that? the adrenaline rush coming on
embrace this visceral, so pure, so real
the spark in your eyes is all I need to set myself on fire
ask me to stay and kiss me hard, I know you want to
lay your head on my cross and whisper to me with your hands
we are a temple, a new religion, a brand new dogma
driven by our needs and animal instinct...unashamed
we climb the altar to consummate, a carnal sacrifice
our bodies and lives come together in perfect union
hips grinding, frenzied eyes lock, breath coming in gasps
inhibitions fall away with our old skin and we are reborn

Monday, October 10, 2011


soaring high above my damage
broken wings worrying me
so much closer to the flame
exposed by my naive heart

apparitions hovering above
spirits of my hopeless quest
life, full of fear and angst, remains
merciless, empty, and far too long

in vain my soul survives
fodder for this pointless flesh
choices seem even more irrelevant
deviants should never pray

falling into the dead, black sea
floating in my abandoned words
irresistible forces tug at me
drowning in the undertow

I've only just become addicted
aren't lovers always the suckers?
chasing the dragon, proving our worth

I'm so tired of it, all I need
sick of giving it all away, nothing left
I watch the lights go down and I know
closer to the flame, nearer to the blame

Sunday, October 9, 2011

if we could only

chemicals between us
we don't/can't comprehend
missives and thoughts
become reasons and lies

hope strings us along
faith is a subterfuge
love a mirage...wavering
always in the distance

wandering through my life
alone, often as not (alone)
yearning for the craving
will it ever be real again?

Saturday, October 8, 2011

remembering the future

I've waited
to feel

hot breath
soft touch
sensual and perfect
evidenced in your eyes

I run breathless to you
collapse at your feet, spent
knowing you will realize
my heart will reach your sea
perfect aura surrounds us
keeping me safe and sound
remembering what we will be

Wednesday, September 28, 2011

dreaming (finally)

don't fade
stay in here with me
I need to know that someone still believes

...if I let my heart pour out, the dam would break. My words fall short of my thoughts. It seems no one wants what I most want to give heart, my mind, my love...I want to feel, I want to touch...I need to stop wanting it so much. But I can't, I won't. This is too important. Love is my essence. I need to give it as surely as I need to exhale...and I've not breathed out in such a long time.

Why do I cry as I write these words? Am I so weak as to think I'm not lovable? What makes my heart so unappealing? Is it somehow diseased? Doesn't my desire justify anything? It's like I'm in a crowded room screaming at the top of my lungs and no one hears me. Why won't someone listen? I see the look in your hear me, God damn it, I know you hear me!
Are my dreams impossible to realize? Is it not feasible to love someone completely, without measure, without limit or condition? Can I not feel the love of another? Maybe that's it, maybe I'm broken, unable to feel, numbed by the years of apathetic existence. Will no one ever look at me with the eyes of love? That gaze that says I know who you're the one, and I've been searching for you for so long...

...I want to be remembered for what I gave away, what I shared, not what I took. Every night I close my eyes and think that tomorrow is another chance. I say it all the time, every day offers us the hope of our hearts, the ability to turn our dreams into our reality. I refuse to live in fear of never finding the heart that knows mine. I know it's out there and tomorrow may be the day it finds me. Life is so short and you have to sleep to dream...

Tuesday, September 27, 2011

12 hours later...

Life turns on (you) a dime, be ready for it...
Why are you all so afraid? Life isn't that hard.
It's It's beautiful and I refuse to be scared.

beautiful day

I woke this morning full of hope, full of love and knowing
the future holds all I can imagine and more.

Monday, September 26, 2011

special K

life never stops
hard and fast,
no quarter given, ever
unbearable pain
on and on and on

I see you, standing strong
back stiff, leaning into the wind
raging against the maelstrom
lightning flashing, rain pounding
you...shaking your fist, screaming
no time for fear, no appetite for compromise
not to be defeated, never to be conquered

possibilities exist that you create
your strength, beauty set in stone
the universe bends to your will
enthralled by your quiet power
amazed by your soft presence
please take me along for the ride
grant us your love, I beg

Saturday, September 24, 2011

the waiting

I woke this morning
and you were there
not in a corporeal sense
but in every other way

I haven't seen you
but I know you
we haven't touched
but I feel you

life has become surreal
ghostly images of you
float through my dreams
my consciousness raised

I haven't held you
but I've felt your love
we haven't kissed
but when we do...

(oh my God, when we do...)

the clocks will stop for us
when we touch, we will become one
once I've held you, nothing else will matter
once we've kissed, our lives will be changed

for now
I must abide
anticipation building
my head knows the value of patience
my heart understands the reward of release

Friday, September 23, 2011

An Honor...

I want to give a big shout out and many thanks to Noelle from for the huge honor
of featuring me as her "Poet of the Week"! Please take
a moment and check out her awesome blog!

Thanks for your support, Noelle!


Thursday, September 22, 2011

when we meet

don't I know you?
if not in this life, in another

I see you in the distance
you turn and meet my gaze
dumbstruck by your beauty
my feet feel locked in place
the world is spinning out of control

this is where fantasy and reality begin to meld
we move closer, floating in time and space
I feel the electricity build as we are drawn together
to not allow this union would be to deny our very nature
as we close the distance our worlds begin to dissolve

now at arms length, hands reaching out urgently
just as we are about to touch, silent and driven...a spark
no longer a figment of our imagination, seizing reality
our fingers lock in an unbreakable grip (don't let go)
all the worries of our hearts released, we know

what will happen when we kiss?
when we are locked in a lovers embrace
feelings we dared not dream of, rising
defeating our fears, comforting our souls
and we will storm the gates of heaven...together

Wednesday, September 21, 2011

rocked (fear denied)

mind reeling
pulse racing
blood pumping
left speechless by our beauty

to feel your caress
soft, sensual and maddening
to hear your whisper
close, quiet and breathless
our lips touch, tongues dancing
velvety, wet, wanting

my hand in the small of your back
pulling you into my warm embrace
you push against me, skin on skin
overcome by primal need, pure passion
desire so intense it threatens to consume us
so cleanly, so gently, my life slips slowly into yours

Sunday, September 18, 2011

tough time

my mind is so full today...I have overwhelmed myself...I'll get back to you

Tuesday, September 13, 2011


brave...and crazy
and I came to play
so worn out from the status quo
out for ourselves, never mind the cost
but what we protect is what we lose in the end

(I need to be honest at this point. I have no clue what I'm looking for.
Sometimes it seems almost indefinable, a complete mystery to me.
Have you ever stood so close to something you can't see it? That's what this feels like.
It has no form, no physical shape, no identifying characteristics, it's simply an idea...)

why can't we have it all? I don't understand
I want it all and I will do almost anything to get it
there are pieces of me scattered throughout so many lives
fragments of my heart, scraps of my soul, the tattered remains of a once vibrant love

come with me, lead or follow, walk or run, just don't stop moving
my legs are weary from carrying the weight of so much collateral damage
never meant to do harm, my heart once soft, now made of stone, untenable
help me put it back together, help me heal, help pick up the pieces of me

Monday, September 12, 2011

come undone (bondage)

awake and alone...again
moonlight casting a vague shadow
life seems thin in the flat grey glow
my heart slows, wants to stop
I pray that this isn't real

sheets wrapped around my waist
my mind twisted from neglect
face in the pillow, screaming out
breath becomes a shallow panting
feeling as though I've come undone

this part isn't head can't keep up with my heart
(why is the writing on the wall always in a language I can't read?)

I used to think I mattered
but what I think and feel
what I know, all I can imagine
is so far removed from reality
it feels as though I'm self-destructing
moving too fast through a world that doesn't know
I attention! look at me!...please
there can be so much hatred in honesty
so much fear in knowing who you are

God, this is hard

tread lightly

sometimes you have to own your words...

Saturday, September 3, 2011


here in the dark
lying next to you
our bodies so close
your presence overwhelms

searching the darkness
seeking a safe harbor
you see me as I am
frightened and strong at once

here in the dark
trust is difficult to find, harder to give
lay your head on my chest
feel my beating heart

I used to fear the dark
full of all that would do us harm
scared of what I could not see
now I embrace the mystery

we whisper in the dark
in this place so full of secret pain
ancient demons that roam our minds
searching for the cracks in our faith

help me hold the darkness at bay
let's escape into the moonwashed night
holding each other in a dreamy embrace
here in the dark we are sacred

Thursday, September 1, 2011


lost in/to you
exposed by my heart
weaker than I should be
too vulnerable to survive?

my openness used against me
my ability to love suffers
must bad always follow good?
pain always follow pleasure?

why is it so hard to grasp
we are so damn close
it should be peaceful, easy
uncomplicated and passionate

(can you feel it?)

it starts with such promise
ends in such sorrow
love shouldn't tear us apart
the self fulfilling prophecy

let's lift each other up
my soul could use the joy
take my hand and walk with me
feel my heart and love with me

Sunday, August 21, 2011

Friday, August 19, 2011


my words taken to heart
all I ever wanted was hope
never intending to frighten you
feeling you close was so wonderful

message taken out of context
trying so hard to not be the fool
seeming to fail at every turn
why can't I ever win?

having touched/been touched by beauty
so hard to give it up without a fight
all I ever wanted was the possibility
too much to ask so soon, I know

my intentions were so much lighter
overwhelmed by my actions
all the pressure so unintentional
don't stay gone forever...

why am I so misunderstood?

Wednesday, August 17, 2011


in my dream you are hovering over me...

our faces so painfully close
I can taste your ruby redness
lips so soft the angels cry
ethereal in form, real in thought
so close to beauty's potential

in my weakened state
my cloudy lucidity
advantage is yours
you give what you take
in a symbiotic waltz

as you pull away...slowly
your face begins to fade
faint and almost forgotten
I wake and think of your ghost
and I smile

Tuesday, August 16, 2011

Monday, August 15, 2011


are you one of them? (I don't think so)
creating your pain, refusing aid
hiding behind the past, denying the future

the shadow following you trips you up
chained to you like bad memories
buried deep inside, down in the dark

I feel your pain, you aren't alone
I know the weight of your burden
don't let it take your life

I wish I knew what to say
what to do to keep you from giving up
there's so much good (love) right in front of you

don't let it eat us alive
it has only the power you give it
you know you want brave

life is tough and no one gets a pass

Sunday, August 14, 2011

with (out)

I try really hard. I don't mail it in or do anything half ass. If something is worth doing, it's worth doing right. Come strong or go home.

Something beautiful and rare falls from heaven, drops right in my fucking lap while I was looking the other way. But it hits and rolls...what do you do? You get up off your ass and you give chase man! It zigs, you zig. It get the picture. Don't let it out of your sight. The run may kill you, but nothing else matters, does it?

I'm learning that you can't change a thing through will alone. It doesn't matter how badly I want it. What seems to matter is what you're willing to sacrifice for what you want...will it be your pride? What about your self-esteem? What about the fact that you try so hard and never seem to get the brass ring. What about that? You give yourself, you give of yourself, you sweat the details...nothing.

I will never give up, never retreat. I believe too strongly that love is the answer. There is nothing else worth living or dying for. I would step in front of a bullet for family and friends, and I would give it all for love. You may think that's out of balance but it works for me. What else holds you in such gentle arms? What else can touch you so deeply? Why else do we die a little every day?

so much to say...

sometimes you have so much to say and the words won't come...

Saturday, August 13, 2011

a thought

...people will tell you that what they most want from a relationship is a partner that is open, honest, present and loving...not true. what people want is a partner that is as open, honest, present and loving as they can more...

Thursday, August 11, 2011

got this

top down
sun shining
on our way
could it get any better than this?

This could be the beginning of something amazing. If it is, I'm going in with my eyes and heart wide open. You feel me? At times my head spins so fast it makes me dizzy. A wonderful feeling, like when you were young and you got a big kid to spin you around real fast on the merry-go-round. I've come to realize how rare and beautiful this is. I will let this happen. I will help this happen. My hands touching something so awe inspiring swells my heart. Why deny it? My skin tingles at the thought of the slightest touch of your hand. My mind wanders all day, conspiring in the most splendid of daydreams...

top down
sun shining
on our way
it doesn't get any better than this...

I got this. Yeah, I got this...

Sunday, August 7, 2011


pressurized, carbonated
filled to the brim
needing to overflow
ready to explode

got this crazy idea
that this can be easy
completely effortless
essence of my life

seeing (myself) for the first time
welcoming and beautiful
accepting of who/what I am
embracing my nature

Saturday, August 6, 2011


what happened to us?
at what point did we become so jaded?
I crave the physicality of now
be it pleasure or pain
at least it's real

keeping each other at arms length
the tension palpable, pushing us apart
why must we be so frightened? of what?
we want what we fear
craving the craziness

have we become shell shocked?
afraid to feel, betrayed by betrayal
the spirit of the pain haunting us
unable to see the love everywhere
blinded by the madness

Thursday, August 4, 2011


pizza from a paper plate
wine from a plastic cup
life lived

the touch of sweaty skin
a kiss from smiling lips
life lived

neck caressed by hot breath
the beat of two racing hearts
life lived

Monday, August 1, 2011


start with plain old earth, dirt
composed of the decomposing
add to it, in no particular order or proportion
the glue that holds it all together
now, mix it thoroughly
pack it tightly into the closed off form that has become your heart
you now have the first of many bricks with which to build your personal fortress

these bricks hold value, they don't come cheap, you earn them
stack them carefully, this bunker must be impenetrable
it needn't be large, you're all alone, you always will be
simply decorated with your most personal furnishings
time to settle in for a lengthy stay, there is no door...

as these walls go up, however slowly or quickly
no thought is given to windows or doors...or escape
hope you like it in there, are you comfy?
you don't get visitors, none are allowed
welcome to no mans land
you created it, enjoy

personally, I'm tired off my self-imposed exile
I want to see the sun, feel it's warmth
I've become so pale and fragile behind these walls
I need to move, to stretch these atrophied tendons, test their strength
I want to be touched again, hand to hand, heart to heart

won't you help me take down the barbed wire?
if I start on the inside and you start on the outside, it'll work
chiseling away at my lifes work, deconstructing the fortress,I'm so tired
I will need you to help me stand, feels like I haven't in so long
help me to see, I will be squinting against the light so bright
help me to feel, my hands are so calloused from my labor of fear...

my biggest fear is that these walls are reinforced...
better bring a jack hammer

Wednesday, July 27, 2011

beautiful frustration

and then...really?

how could two bodies, in all the vastness of dark space
ever manage to come so close to breathless perfection?

perfection in balance
ever evolving, their gyrations appear chaotic
oscillation becomes less apparent, self-centering chemistry
but I digress...

this is like staring at the sun
you dare not gaze directly, surely to be overwhelmed
the trick is to get a sense of this celestial body...and look away
my mind wanders...

I have become trapped in this beauty's orbit
compelled by a tidal force, quivering uncontrollably...wonderfully...
like a perfectly tuned fork or a finger lightly skimming a thin crystal flute
imagination running wild...
completely absorbed by the gravitational pull, I give in...

now we touch...we touch...shyly, as children
speed and friction build, blinding light, a stars birthright
soon we are locked in an inescapable closeness
lit from within, producing almost (almost) unbearable heat
perpetual energy, the perfect machine...

Sunday, July 24, 2011

throw it all away *

debilitated by the ghosts that haunt us
crippled by the judgement of others
guilt weighing us down, sapping our strength
the things we have held dear seem ethereal now
a trick of light, smoke, and mirrors... non-existent
it's unfair that we've wasted so much time...

trying to live on the validation of others
we've lost ourselves and what's (really) important
refusing to expose a vulnerable heart
we lie to ourselves to justify the pain
sold a story riddled with ulterior motives and deceit
ashamed that we didn't see it coming

help me destroy the fear, the shame and self-doubt
help me to carry the things I can't bear alone, I need you
don't we finally deserve to live? haven't we earned a parole?
a heart unafraid, that gladly offers shelter from the storm
the feeling of a true friend, the warm embrace of acceptance
the look you see in the eyes of innocent, honest love
so beautiful

I want to...
feel weak from desire, not punishment
taste passion that knows no boundaries
feel beauty that stops/starts my heart
know honesty without fear, without judgement
don't be afraid, you know you want it

I had a dream that we were lovers...

* Title inspired by Toad the Wet Sprocket

Wednesday, July 13, 2011

hard to hold

we've always believed there was time
time to find the one who understands
understands our fragility, feels our pain
pain that has dulled our senses (so numb)
senses that were formerly sharp, intensity ruled
ruled our heart, stealing our breath
breath that we once offered without hesitation
hesitation has become tyranny, ever devouring
devouring our hope, robbing us blind
blind fear now the order of the day (day after day)

now time slips away
leaving us gasping
raping our spirit
pillaging our need
leaving a void
forsaken, forgotten, forlorn

I care, but you were always so hard to hold
stop running, slow your pace, feel me while you still can
catch your breath...slow and deep
take my hand, my motives are pure
to do harm would kill me
left alone without you

fuck that

true to life

I ask a lot
I know
I want a lot
...who doesn't?
I need a lot
I always will

(ask me, I'll tell you
don't be afraid, I want you
come with me, I need you)

what I ask
can't be answered
what I want
can't be given
what I need
can't be satisfied

I don't want some
I want it all
I won't settle for later
I want now
I need this, please
I can't hold back

I give/take
I live to fill/feel the need
what greater good
than to return the favor?

I always will

Monday, July 11, 2011


in a virtual world
life and love exist in stasis
time stands still

you and I are a mystery
far away and funny, you make me laugh
I am new and you play along
hoping to find a heart that you can feel

your guard comes down...slowly, you are exposed
your smile and a flash of ivory skin disarms me
I realize I am in the presence of brilliance
loud, full of color, lit from the inside, beautiful genius

your hand brushes touch me
I'm scared, not sure of myself or my place
I can't pull away, feeling the draw of your moonlit face
I feel the betrayal of my heart (God Damn it!)
wonderful madness takes me

Monday, January 24, 2011

explanation of sorts

...bear with me.



for every reaction,
a completely misunderstood action
the worst assumed
the prophecy fulfilled

the space between
us and them
filled with suspicion
warping sight and sound

words leave our mouths

(something happens)

our meaning lost

where did it go?
energy, however wasted
can't be destroyed
the bell, once rung...

we twist our words
like Uri Geller bends spoons
Lord forgive us
we know not what we say

we expect respect
ready to be offended
unable to give quarter
no rest for the fragile

polarized by judgement
paralyzed by mistrust
bipolar opposites attract
drawn by the scent of fear...

Sunday, January 16, 2011

the plan

here's the plan:
there is no plan.

life is anarchy with a bank account
encouraged to dream about "the good life"
how about changing the dream?
think about that

yeah, I know

so many dream of fame and (mis)fortune
few ever achieve
careful what you wish for
there are so many who toil thanklessly
we call them the less fortunate
less fortunate than who?

than this guy...

he has a boat at his place on the lake
he parties like a rock star every weekend
and has all the shallow (hollow) friends you could stand
his wife drives a BMW
enough said

that's a win?
that's the reason I get out of bed every morning?

at the end of the line are the great unwashed (we fill the freeway)
we smile at people
we hold the elevator
we pray for others
we toil away our lives with no reward in sight
at a job only your boss could love
we live on the fringe of society

we are the people with the real dreams
but we're all on Ambien because we can't sleep
the dreams are damaged and seldom come
all I want is a great cup of coffee and a good friend
an existence that means more than having the latest gadget
I want my tan to be of the sun and my dog to bark loudly
there is nothing that can be bought
to fill the hole in our heart

I once heard Woody say,
"We need to stop loving things and using people"
we need to exchange the nouns

you think?

I love you all