Sunday, December 23, 2012


I need to get inside
so hard to do
seemingly powerless
blocked by entities I can't see
vision is only given
to those with eyes shut tight

passing through my darkness
I see sporadic movement
in the corner of my eye
laughing ghosts of pain
flying through my open door
into the waiting night

picking at the wounds
to heal would leave a scar
torn apart and put together
you are the bandage
my heart has longed for
falling into your arms

Friday, December 21, 2012

mission statement (love)

I have given and I have taken, been both good and bad, but I've always tried to be present. All I've ever asked is the same in return. Relationship is about the one-on-one, not building a collection of people that will somehow validate me. Not that we all can't use some validation from time to time, I just believe validation comes from within. I believe in love, I believe that another person can help fill the void in our lives and in our souls.

To sanctify another and be held in the same esteem is a life-affirming act. Different people have different belief systems. Some, like me, love love...that doesn't, on it's face, make the feeling any less genuine, so long as you are willing to take emotional responsibility for your love. Some people only feel love when they have the adoration and validation of many. I want the undying, uncompromising, unconditional love of the one. I'm certainly not walking through this life faultless or blameless, I am not and never will be perfect, but I know me and I know what I want and what I have to offer.

Love is not a bargaining is a privilege, earned by giving first...held by giving constantly and unconditionally. It is only a win-win or a lose-lose proposition...the upper hand is always an empty hand.

Just sayin'...

Tuesday, December 18, 2012

gypsy soul

dreaming of the touch
shivering and afraid
darkness so familiar
searching for home

your lullaby unrehearsed
a sublime siren song
gates of heaven open
the longest night ends

you saved my gypsy soul
stole it without a fight
take me, love me, hold me
keep me from the pouring rain

...and nothing shall come between us

Thursday, December 13, 2012

morning rapture

hands gliding over
sleepy, warm flesh
turning away to push
the ever-present desire
deeper and deeper into...

eyes unfocused
delicious dew forms
breath coming faster
as kisses whisper softly
over neck and shoulders

hips rising urgently
quivering uncontrollably
begging to be taken
wrapped in strong arms
slick with want and need

seduction complete
incapable of thought
reason lost to hunger
touch becomes euphoric

force of nature
as bodies collide
irresistible gravity
wonderfully overwhelmed
consumed...rocked...perfect rapture

Tuesday, December 11, 2012


it feels as though
a hundred lives
have passed me by
a cold, hard lesson...
often, what you fear
is what you find

survival often means sacrifice...

falling (torn) apart
living on the crumbs
face hidden behind
a jade(d) mask of hope
faith that died...slowly
brought here to burn

but I want to sleep inside you...

lips touching yours
skin hot to the touch
hips grinding madly
our bodies entwined
tied in a forever knot
wanting only to explode

this dream of life and death two become one

Sunday, December 9, 2012

passion found (a rant)

I have wanted (waited)
for far too long
I have had to plead
for far too much
what I would give
won't be marginalized
as imperfect or ineffectual
the love I have offered
is neither tainted nor damaged
no...what's broken in me
if you can call it "broken"
is my pain threshold (it doesn't exist)
common sense says "stay down"
but I will stand up every time
I will fly in the face of a reality
that would see me alone...
I've made mistakes, to be sure
and I've lived a life of atonement...
so stand in win (lose)
it's not a battle I choose to fight
what you seem to know of me
is limited to what you choose to see
I am not bent or broken
I am unknown quantity
a body of love, need, and passion
held together by dreams and hope
so tired of being told that simply...isn't...enough

Sunday, November 25, 2012

skin and bones

I am a man
broken but healing
fashioned after
fault, pain, and beauty

eyes that see
mind that sees more
fingers that feel
heart that feels deeper

exposed and unafraid
barren yet always growing
I walk to the splintered edge
leaping to certain life

I am but a man
skin and bones (and wonder)
lost and forever searching
fragile, yet unbreakable

I am but a man...

Sunday, October 7, 2012

(not) unworthy

in each other's arms
in each other's doubt
we are imperfect

in each other's eyes
what the other is thinking
we are in pain

in each other's hearts
by who we are
we are alone

the fear of exposing ourselves
steals the joy of what may be
the denial of emotional responsibility
slowly destroys all we desire
it's a lesson we never learn

Sunday, August 19, 2012

there you are


takes many forms
to feel the touch
to taste the lips
to know the happy ending

hands tied tight
heart on my sleeve
like a man in a box
isolated by self-doubt
my curse and creation
searching for redemption
in your heart

I move...
my body and mind
trying desperately to outrun
this cloud of damnation I've created

I need you to be...
my hope, dreams, light and love
to feel me is to risk it all
take me to the brink
feel me pull away in fear
a self-fulfilling prophecy
doomed from the start

this needs to stop

take me, hold me
never let me up
when I scream
I've had enough
hold me down
love me madly
make (this) life end

help me feel again

Sunday, August 5, 2012


a slow burn
hot to the touch

no pain(ful)
to be captured
taken by a lover
not a mirror...but a reflection

to feel the agony of perfection
knowing this love must exist
you know...the one they write about
it's what keeps me awake at night...

wanted inside and out
with no limit accepted
taken beyond the brink
I was born to break this
these words escape me
bleed out of this broken man
if I had my way I wouldn't be...

bleeding, breathless and dreaming


I wake every morning...

the waters part
I'm left gasping
without you there
like a mountaintop
beautiful...and airless

why can't I breathe?

I've waited for you
nameless and broken
trying to be strong
tripping on my words
tearing at the seams
selling my soul
one piece at a time
lost in all the reasons
starving for deep love
wanting to dive in...and drown

this space is so empty

never knowing
always hoping
like a memory
yet to happen
a life not yet lived...
somewhere I belong

filled with the wonder of what may be

thin as the air I'm breathing

you aren't there

Monday, July 30, 2012


I dream of the smooth contours of your skin
my mind creating choreography for my fingers
caressing the low points, touching and lingering
doing little pirouettes on the peaks that quiver
hands playfully gliding across your glistening skin

cool water can't sooth your sweltering skin
muscles contract and relax under my deft touch
eyes shut tight, back arching, fists clenched
sun, heat conspire, pushing you toward me
closer to the edge, nearer to flash point

your hands find my burning flesh...I melt
taking hold and removing all doubt of intent
our skin slick, anointed by sweat and desire
sensual waves dance on my mind's horizon
my resistance fails completely, I'm taken

just another heat stroke...

Sunday, July 22, 2012

beach sand

my love
like a note
in a bottle

floating in the ocean

my heart
like a ship
lost at sea

my soul
like a ghost
on the foredeck

riding the rising tide

my hope
like a port
in the storm beautiful
are the sand on the beach
where my ship comes to rest

mythical (dream with me)

not of this world
a fawn eyed girl
lying in the lush grass
surrounded by fairies

unknown quantity
the analog kid
in a digital world
wishing it would go away

there are moments
that define our lives
so wondrous and beautiful
as to defy definition
they remain nameless

stay here with me
in this (our) paradise
fairytales can come true
sleeping peacefully
come, dream with me

Saturday, July 21, 2012

isn't it time?

time races...
left holding empty hope
love and life lost to indecision
watching it pass, losing our place
we get what we accept
nothing more or less

shackled to a life
that was never intended
a soon-to-be train wreck
casey jones bailed long ago
this tragedy is yours alone
no sympathy for the devil

who told you this would be easy?
(they lied to you)

life is short
pain is endless
hurt, healing
pain, joy
fear, hope
heartbreak, love

go ahead...sigh
deny these things
quick, give up now
take the coward's way
trapped in a safety net
no risk, no reward

embrace your pain
savor lifes's bitter taste
turn it around
learn from it
look in the mirror
face yourself...know yourself

Monday, July 16, 2012


sun breaks
on the horizon
I sense you beside me
feeling you before seeing you

light pours
fluid, in the window
our spirits rising in the heat
shadows cast out with the fear

the space
between dark and light
filled with ghosts that haunt us
dreams and nightmares coexist

your body
becomes the buffer
peace within the chaos
your touch relieves my pain

soft skin
unbroken canvas
light, smooth and inviting
painted with wondrous beauty

sun sets
moon pushes me
so very deep inside you
your kiss lives in the dark of night

Sunday, July 15, 2012

too soon

too hot to think straight
standing over the grave
seems like only yesterday
we were kids, younger, happier

you will be missed
you already are, little brother

too soon to be believed
just spoke to you last night
you left without a goodbye
now just ashes in the grass

you will be missed
you already are, my friend

too late to help you see
it didn't have to be this way
left with nothing but memories
your beauty never discovered

you will be missed
more than you can know

too hot to think straight
standing over the grave
seems like just yesterday
we were kids...

Tuesday, June 26, 2012


on skin
the scent
of excitement

your slick
soulful shell
my eyes catch
lazy heat trails
wafting skyward
seeking escape

moaning softly
your lips open
ever so slightly
your tongue tasting
the salty dew
left by my kiss
as you rise
against my touch

we slip through
each other's hands
heat and friction
devilishly delicious
glistening bodies
sweltering heat
the setting sun
through an open window...

cut to....

an old fan
spinning lazily
losing the battle
to dissipate
our love

Tuesday, June 19, 2012

still living

speaking your mind, waking the child
oats you never knew existed, rising up
trapped between who you are and who
you always thought you (would) could be
the difference between now and then
is fear...plain and painfully simple
this was never part of your plan
not the way this was meant to be
what happened to your dreams? your life...?

well, I'm here to tell you I got your back
I'm behind you and pushing, prodding...
propping you up (if) when necessary
you help carry me and I won't let you down
immeasurable strength when joined at the heart
we have what it takes if we're willing to give it all
the reality is that this is only as difficult as we make it
let's walk out together, from the shadows of our doubt
the worst is over and we still have so far to go

it's not dying that's's living

Friday, June 15, 2012


the words come
from way down deep
a place the shadows rule
where the sky is absent
always quiet in this place
words refusing to come
to break the  silence
roaring in my head
doubt enters like a thief
taking all that matters
dark magic, sleight of hand
ego withdraws, replaced
quiet footfalls haunt me
unseen and  unforgiving
daring me to breathe
I feel the crushing
weight of life

you come to me
as a gift, strong…true
hand and heart offered
selflessly, without doubt
lifting me from this place
knowing me as no other
lips parted in a kiss
taste of kindness
the pain dissipates…

Saturday, June 9, 2012


perfect me
somewhere ahead
looming on the horizon

so peaceful
when the wind blows
I hear a whispered voice
its silent expectations unspoken
damning and impossible to achieve

my hope
always evolving
shedding my old skin 
leaving the broken past behind
no longer who (what) I once was

help me...

tear this wall down
destroy all I have been
unworthy and undeserving
tainted by my immovable heart
fighting a battle I can't possibly win

I saw myself
in a life I dreamed...
I don't want to imagine
all the things that I can't have
I want to feel the bottomless love

imperfect me
here and now
living on the edge of forever

Monday, June 4, 2012

the night

folded into the night
soft, silky arms envelope me
wrapping me in dark warmth
black velvet on my skin

you live in my deepest fantasy
where I'm lost for words in your arms
your silhouette sublimely etched
in the corner of my imagination

I can conjure up your sweet kiss
the gossamer touch of your hand
need in your eyes, want on your lips
in the night I can read your mind

how can we make time stop
to capture this perfect instant
life in stasis here in the dark
this moment goes on forever

I see you with my eyes shut tight
feel you, know you, touch you
in dreams all things are possible
eternity has wonderful plans for us

Monday, May 21, 2012

not damaged

I don't understand
things you say (wait...what?)
you can’t understand
the way I feel (do you?)
(I just want to be myself)
walking paths so different
makes us unable to trust

vulnerability is dangerous
when offered to a weak heart
we’re living in our aftermath
among the collateral damage
day follows night follows day
we’re left to wonder the point
hoping we have what it takes

who said life was fair?
let's get over it and dig in
my hunger for you is insatiable
all I want is to hear your voice
what I need is to touch your face
to convince myself you are real
grab me, kiss me, take me

I think I'm starting to get this...

Sunday, May 20, 2012


not quite sure
what you want with me
where (if) I fit in...
or do I?

so close
yet so far removed
this must be a...
mistake or misunderstanding
something lost
in translation

I'm not what you
not what you
thought (hoped)
was in the box
what will you do
with me now?

care, love
I need, I need, I need...get it?
see the pattern?

I'm not selfish
at least I
don't think so
do you?

I give, gladly (in quantity)
more than I get
I don't ask for equal measure
only effort

don't make me ask
for what you (should)
want me to have
I won't beg ever again

yours for the asking
please stop turning me out
arms and heart open wide
take advantage, (please)

Monday, May 7, 2012

white knuckles

your hand in mine
so tight it hurts
surprised by my heart
I want this to happen

breathing so deep
praying we don't fall apart
wonderful, impossible
and so hard to hold

I try with all my might
to wipe away your fears
our lives rearranged
holding on tight to hope

looking into your eyes
never revealing their depth
it's hard to imagine sometimes
so captivated by us

hoping to survive
hanging on your words
so desperately close
cheating destiny to be in you

voices in my head screaming out
as life quietly passes me by
my heart is so empty without you
I need a kiss to seal the deal

Sunday, April 29, 2012


I'm beaten, worn thin
a fragile emotional hostage
weakened by insatiable hunger
vulnerable and exposed to the storm

I scream out, raging against the machine
the windmills I charge exist only in my mind
my shield is riddled with self doubt, my love unworthy
armor pitted and rusty, useless against the onslaught

I wake from my nightmare...

feeling your hot breath on my neck
your sweet voice gently kissing my ear
whispering my name...and the pain fades
the battle raging in my restless heart will be fought another day

Monday, April 23, 2012

at the end

mind racing heart
down into the abyss
fluid and mischievous
in it's deepening obsession

unconsciously aware
senses so overwhelmed
sinking and rising, repeatedly
building to an unbearable (beautiful)
yet irresistible crescendo of desire

it never stops taking me
I give in willingly, denial is folly
can't stop the slide down cupid's bow
so hot to the touch, burning me just right
stopping makes no sense, I wouldn't if I could

oh no, don't ever let me go
this is the part I live for, the part I like best

Saturday, April 14, 2012


sense of self
strong, suffering
never quite enough
doubt built right in
unsure of who I am
or who you see
when you look at me

do you want me
as I am? hard to take...
or wish I was someone else?
not to worry, I often do too
sometimes acceptance
feels like tolerance
what have I done wrong?

temporary insanity
has come to stay
love as big as the sky
the id is crushing the ego
never afraid to let go
living in the moment...but
pleasure comes at a cost

instincts tell me
all is well inside
it's good to smile
to bend to the will
of an unyielding libido
no doom, no judgment
just light, love, and you

can you feel it?

Tuesday, March 20, 2012


what you are is beautiful
the heart you hide
behind that smile
holds your secrets close

wounded as we fear
sharing a common scar
allowing another to bandage
something no one has ever seen

the past sapping our strength
robbing us of imperfect dignity
wrong is only skin deep
healing is the hardest thing

Monday, March 19, 2012

alone with you

another day passes
without you in my arms
distance and emotion
co-exist out of balance
there is so much to lose
tucked into this fleeting moment
I don't take what I don't need
so give me back my peace of mind

before you there was a void
completely full of nothing
my church has no choir
nowhere to kneel
my fruit is rusty
rotten on the vine
you feel me but you don't get me
survival and love, a conflict of interest

familiarity breeds contempt
love means always, forever
having someone to blame
human in nature, neglected
this temple can burn with passion
or crumble from neglect
honesty from guilt
like gold from lead

it takes more than heat
to burn this down...
tired of being the example
giving it all away
nothing left
at long last

Wednesday, March 7, 2012

distant thunder you
feel my shimmering heat
watching the mirage dance
in the distance (clouds build)

all I want
buried deep inside
my soul intentionally blinded
by my heart (lightning always strikes twice)

so far away
from here and now
I hear the muffled rumble
echoing in the distance (the sky is torn)

light of love
breaking the horizon
the sky splits open before us
we feel so cold and naked (in the falling rain)

the clouds break...

the distance
between us and then
grows greater everyday
walking away from what's behind

this is the moment
when it all falls into place
hold my hand as we gravitate spacewards
all we've held back, all we want, spills from us

this is going to be so good...

truth is, I don't know where to go from "here"
never have I felt as right as I do in your embrace

you have taken me into your heart and I sleep better there...

Sunday, February 26, 2012

all at once

I feel deeply
so strongly
I can't shut it off
don't want to
it's maddening
and wonderful
all at once
cheating gravity
waiting on the crash
(always) harder than the last
what a delicate mess

I feel you
I know you
I want you
I love you

catch me when I fall

Sunday, February 19, 2012


wake me up
your whisper
echoing in my ear

I won't say a thing
take my love
make it yours

falling so hard for you
swept away in your sea
knocked completely off my feet

in the depth of a breath
I sense your hunger so ripe
a love so incredibly, indelibly urgent

(I hunger too...)

taste my trembling lips
untie and feel my fragile heart
help release me (us) from this exile

Saturday, February 11, 2012


close to the edge
and so far removed
I need something good to die for

a desperate need to feel you
warm and willing, touching me
filling me with excitement and wonder

anticipation colliding with intent
the heat of your body arousing me
all my senses alive, awake and tingling

you sense the urgency in my touch
agonizing hot flesh warming my eager lips
your entire body heaving as my tongue finds you

my hand in the small of your back
lifting and joining you in a gyrating dance
penetrating you over and over as we near climax

like wild animals we rise and fall
pressure pushing us towards madness
moaning and screaming we are shaken by release

you take me so much closer...

Tuesday, February 7, 2012

the stars

I dream of your eyes

running towards you
my heart outstretched
our minds touch first
amidst the swirling confusion

what if...

fate...aspects, alignment, position
intentionally blind, our faith intact
walking on the edge of the future
our hearts and minds on the cusp

I feel the way you look at me
the way you've always known me
I want to hold you so close
I will steal your pain away

feel it now, without trepidation
this is so real, you know it is
take it in your loving arms
it's all just a wish away

Monday, January 30, 2012

time (out)

so finite
so fleeting
hear it
the slow,
the timer
set long ago
forgotten now

there won't be enough time
imagine the next breath you take
is to be your last...changes things, doesn't it?
you can't buy any more than you have. ever.
justifying your future to validate your past
tilting at windmills, wasting your moments
rules to a game you never asked to play

so stop playing
take your life and go
you's your life
live for today
yesterday's gone
no promise of tomorrow

know yourself
always make it count
this is not a test
don't leave your life
it doesn't fail you
you fail it

Sunday, January 29, 2012


I'm starting to think love is an illusion, just an apparition to occupy your mind while your life slips away. I've given and given and ask only to get as good as I give. The world is too caught up in it's selfish pursuits to see the big picture. We facebook and we tweet, but we refuse to be part of a real, challenging, requires-some-assembly relationship. Love lost is our loss...

Thursday, January 12, 2012

wonderment (unfinished)

almost touching
you and I
soft and sexy
tactile sensation
burns so hot
feeling vertigo
spinning and dizzy
brought on by....
lost in this wonderment
my awe has been struck
knowing and doing
two entirely different aspects
my heart gets away from me
...secretly...I let it go
I won't slow my roll
no interest in stopping
if you won't keep up
you'll get left behind
pay attention
look alive
know the difference
between wants and needs
sometimes you need a want
don't watch as it slips away

Wednesday, January 11, 2012

my brother

anthony scott

november 15, 1971 - january 11, 2012

born in biloxi mississippi
the youngest of three boys
a beautiful soul who never understood the world
...nor the world him

I remember this August afternoon, last time we were together...

I'll miss you bro. It was a lovely train wreck.

at least you're free...

scott and daughter kayla fall brother

Friday, January 6, 2012

no limits, no fear

when it's quiet
I think I can hear
ghosts of my life creeping up on me
quiet footfalls of the choices I live in

I've never been happier
or more scared the sky is falling
choices, the idea of what can be
there's safety in the way you look at me
terror in the starkness of that beauty

excited and unsteady
drunk on the possibilities
your smile, my hope for tomorrow
feel my heart, pounding out a rhythm
pieces of me, coming together, almost whole

something so simple
my voice shakes
when I speak of home...


Monday, January 2, 2012

new skin

...the start of a new year
the opportunity to begin anew
take it, embrace it, live it...