isn't it time?

time races...

left holding empty hope
love and life lost to indecision
watching it pass, losing our place
we get what we accept
nothing more or less

shackled to a life
that was never intended
a soon-to-be train wreck
casey jones bailed long ago
this tragedy is yours alone
no sympathy for the devil

who told you this would be easy?
(they lied to you)

life is short
pain is endless
hurt, healing
pain, joy
fear, hope
heartbreak, love

go ahead...sigh
deny these things
quick, give up now
take the coward's way
trapped in a safety net
no risk, no reward

embrace your pain
savor lifes's bitter taste
turn it around
learn from it
look in the mirror
face yourself...know yourself

sunrise

sun breaks
on the horizon
I sense you beside me
feeling you before seeing you

light pours
fluid, in the window
our spirits rising in the heat
shadows cast out with the fear

the space
between dark and light
filled with ghosts that haunt us
dreams and nightmares coexist

your body
becomes the buffer
peace within the chaos
your touch relieves my pain

soft skin
unbroken canvas
light, smooth and inviting
painted with wondrous beauty

sun sets
moon pushes me
so very deep inside you
your kiss lives in the dark of night

too soon

too hot to think straight
standing over the grave
seems like only yesterday
we were kids, younger, happier

you will be missed
you already are, little brother

too soon to be believed
just spoke to you last night
you left without a goodbye
now just ashes in the grass

you will be missed
you already are, my friend

too late to help you see
it didn't have to be this way
left with nothing but memories
your beauty never discovered

you will be missed
more than you can know

too hot to think straight
standing over the grave
seems like just yesterday
we were kids...

sweat

skin
on skin
the scent
of excitement

fingers
skimming
your slick
soulful shell
my eyes catch
lazy heat trails
wafting skyward
seeking escape

moaning softly
your lips open
ever so slightly
your tongue tasting
the salty dew
left by my kiss
as you rise
against my touch

we slip through
each other's hands
heat and friction
devilishly delicious
glistening bodies
sweltering heat
the setting sun
through an open window...

cut to....

ceiling
an old fan
spinning lazily
desperately
overwhelmed
losing the battle
to dissipate
our love

still living

speaking your mind, waking the child
oats you never knew existed, rising up
trapped between who you are and who
you always thought you (would) could be
the difference between now and then
is fear...plain and painfully simple
this was never part of your plan
not the way this was meant to be
what happened to your dreams? your life...?

well, I'm here to tell you I got your back
I'm behind you and pushing, prodding...
propping you up (if) when necessary
you help carry me and I won't let you down
immeasurable strength when joined at the heart
we have what it takes if we're willing to give it all
the reality is that this is only as difficult as we make it
let's walk out together, from the shadows of our doubt
the worst is over and we still have so far to go

it's not dying that's hard...it's living

sometimes

sometimes

the words come

from way down deep

a place the shadows rule

where the sky is absent

always quiet in this place

words refusing to come

to break the  silence

roaring in my head

doubt enters like a thief

taking all that matters

dark magic, sleight of hand

ego withdraws, replaced

quiet footfalls haunt me

unseen and  unforgiving

daring me to breathe

I feel the crushing

weight of life

you come to me

as a gift, strong…true

hand and heart offered

selflessly, without doubt

lifting me from this place

knowing me as no other

lips parted in a kiss

taste of kindness

the pain dissipates…

here

here

alone

hopeless

perfect me

somewhere ahead
looming on the horizon

so peaceful

when the wind blows

I hear a whispered voice

its silent expectations unspoken

damning and impossible to achieve

my hope

always evolving

shedding my old skin 

leaving the broken past behind

no longer who (what) I once was

help me...

tear this wall down

destroy all I have been

unworthy and undeserving

tainted by my immovable heart

fighting a battle I can't possibly win

I saw myself

in a life I dreamed...

I don't want to imagine

all the things that I can't have

I want to feel the bottomless love

here

alone

hopeful

imperfect me

here and now

living on the edge of forever

the night

folded into the night
soft, silky arms envelope me
wrapping me in dark warmth
black velvet on my skin

you live in my deepest fantasy
where I'm lost for words in your arms
your silhouette sublimely etched
in the corner of my imagination

I can conjure up your sweet kiss
the gossamer touch of your hand
need in your eyes, want on your lips
in the night I can read your mind

how can we make time stop
to capture this perfect instant
life in stasis here in the dark
this moment goes on forever

I see you with my eyes shut tight
feel you, know you, touch you
in dreams all things are possible
eternity has wonderful plans for us

not damaged

I don't understand
things you say (wait...what?)

you can’t understand
the way I feel (do you?)

(I just want to be myself)

walking paths so different

makes us unable to trust

vulnerability is dangerous

when offered to a weak heart

we’re living in our aftermath
among the collateral damage

day follows night follows day

we’re left to wonder the point
hoping we have what it takes

who said life was fair?
let's get over it and dig in
my hunger for you is insatiable

all I want is to hear your voice

what I need is to touch your face
to convince myself you are real
grab me, kiss me, take me

I think I'm starting to get this...

subtext

not quite sure
what you want with me
where (if) I fit in...
or do I?

so close
yet so far removed
this must be a...
mistake or misunderstanding
something lost
in translation

I'm not what you
expected
not what you
thought (hoped)
was in the box
what will you do
with me now?

care, love
attention
I need, I need, I need...get it?
see the pattern?

I'm not selfish
at least I
don't think so
do you?

I give, gladly (in quantity)
more than I get
I don't ask for equal measure
only effort

don't make me ask
for what you (should)
want me to have
I won't beg ever again

yours for the asking
please stop turning me out
arms and heart open wide
take advantage, (please)

white knuckles

your hand in mine
so tight it hurts
surprised by my heart
I want this to happen

breathing so deep
praying we don't fall apart
wonderful, impossible
and so hard to hold

I try with all my might
to wipe away your fears
our lives rearranged
holding on tight to hope

looking into your eyes
never revealing their depth
it's hard to imagine sometimes
so captivated by us

hoping to survive
hanging on your words
so desperately close
cheating destiny to be in you

voices in my head screaming out
as life quietly passes me by
my heart is so empty without you
I need a kiss to seal the deal

apparition

I'm beaten, worn thin
a fragile emotional hostage
weakened by insatiable hunger
vulnerable and exposed to the storm

I scream out, raging against the machine
the windmills I charge exist only in my mind
my shield is riddled with self doubt, my love unworthy
armor pitted and rusty, useless against the onslaught

I wake from my nightmare...

feeling your hot breath on my neck
your sweet voice gently kissing my ear
whispering my name...and the pain fades
the battle raging in my restless heart will be fought another day

at the end

floating
breathless
mind racing heart
down into the abyss
fluid and mischievous
in it's deepening obsession

dreaming
unconsciously aware
senses so overwhelmed
sinking and rising, repeatedly
building to an unbearable (beautiful)
yet irresistible crescendo of desire

screaming
it never stops taking me
I give in willingly, denial is folly
can't stop the slide down cupid's bow
so hot to the touch, burning me just right
stopping makes no sense, I wouldn't if I could

release...
oh no, don't ever let me go
this is the part I live for, the part I like best

(my)self

sense of self
strong, suffering
never quite enough
doubt built right in
unsure of who I am
or who you see
when you look at me

do you want me
as I am? hard to take...
or wish I was someone else?
not to worry, I often do too
sometimes acceptance
feels like tolerance
what have I done wrong?

temporary insanity
has come to stay
love as big as the sky
the id is crushing the ego
never afraid to let go
living in the moment...but
pleasure comes at a cost

instincts tell me
all is well inside
it's good to smile
to bend to the will
of an unyielding libido
no doom, no judgment
just light, love, and you

can you feel it?

unsaid

what you are is beautiful

the heart you hide

behind that smile

holds your secrets close

wounded as we fear

sharing a common scar

allowing another to bandage

something no one has ever seen

the past sapping our strength

robbing us of imperfect dignity

wrong is only skin deep

healing is the hardest thing