apparition

I'm beaten, worn thin
a fragile emotional hostage
weakened by insatiable hunger
vulnerable and exposed to the storm

I scream out, raging against the machine
the windmills I charge exist only in my mind
my shield is riddled with self doubt, my love unworthy
armor pitted and rusty, useless against the onslaught

I wake from my nightmare...

feeling your hot breath on my neck
your sweet voice gently kissing my ear
whispering my name...and the pain fades
the battle raging in my restless heart will be fought another day

at the end

floating
breathless
mind racing heart
down into the abyss
fluid and mischievous
in it's deepening obsession

dreaming
unconsciously aware
senses so overwhelmed
sinking and rising, repeatedly
building to an unbearable (beautiful)
yet irresistible crescendo of desire

screaming
it never stops taking me
I give in willingly, denial is folly
can't stop the slide down cupid's bow
so hot to the touch, burning me just right
stopping makes no sense, I wouldn't if I could

release...
oh no, don't ever let me go
this is the part I live for, the part I like best

(my)self

sense of self
strong, suffering
never quite enough
doubt built right in
unsure of who I am
or who you see
when you look at me

do you want me
as I am? hard to take...
or wish I was someone else?
not to worry, I often do too
sometimes acceptance
feels like tolerance
what have I done wrong?

temporary insanity
has come to stay
love as big as the sky
the id is crushing the ego
never afraid to let go
living in the moment...but
pleasure comes at a cost

instincts tell me
all is well inside
it's good to smile
to bend to the will
of an unyielding libido
no doom, no judgment
just light, love, and you

can you feel it?

unsaid

what you are is beautiful

the heart you hide

behind that smile

holds your secrets close

wounded as we fear

sharing a common scar

allowing another to bandage

something no one has ever seen

the past sapping our strength

robbing us of imperfect dignity

wrong is only skin deep

healing is the hardest thing

alone with you

another day passes

without you in my arms

distance and emotion

co-exist out of balance

there is so much to lose

tucked into this fleeting moment

I don't take what I don't need

so give me back my peace of mind

before you there was a void

completely full of nothing

my church has no choir

nowhere to kneel

my fruit is rusty

rotten on the vine

you feel me but you don't get me

survival and love, a conflict of interest

familiarity breeds contempt

love means always, forever

having someone to blame

human in nature, neglected

this temple can burn with passion

or crumble from neglect

honesty from guilt

like gold from lead

it takes more than heat

to burn this down...

tired of being the example

giving it all away

nothing left

alone

at long last

(un)discovered

distant thunder

lost...in you

feel my shimmering heat

watching the mirage dance

in the distance (clouds build)

all I want

buried deep inside

my soul intentionally blinded

by my heart (lightning always strikes twice)

so far away

from here and now

I hear the muffled rumble

echoing in the distance (the sky is torn)

light of love

breaking the horizon

the sky splits open before us

we feel so cold and naked (in the falling rain)

the clouds break...

the distance

between us and then

grows greater everyday

walking away from what's behind

this is the moment

when it all falls into place

hold my hand as we gravitate spacewards

all we've held back, all we want, spills from us

this is going to be so good...

truth is, I don't know where to go from "here"

never have I felt as right as I do in your embrace

you have taken me into your heart and I sleep better there...

all at once

I feel deeply

so strongly

I can't shut it off

don't want to

it's maddening

and wonderful

all at once

cheating gravity

waiting on the crash

(always) harder than the last

what a delicate mess

I feel you

I know you

I want you

I love you

catch me when I fall

unbound

wake me up
your whisper
echoing in my ear

I won't say a thing
take my love
make it yours

falling so hard for you

swept away in your sea

knocked completely off my feet

in the depth of a breath

I sense your hunger so ripe

a love so incredibly, indelibly urgent

(I hunger too...)

taste my trembling lips

untie and feel my fragile heart

help release me (us) from this exile

closer

close to the edge

and so far removed

I need something good to die for

a desperate need to feel you

warm and willing, touching me

filling me with excitement and wonder

anticipation colliding with intent

the heat of your body arousing me

all my senses alive, awake and tingling

you sense the urgency in my touch

agonizing hot flesh warming my eager lips

your entire body heaving as my tongue finds you

my hand in the small of your back

lifting and joining you in a gyrating dance

penetrating you over and over as we near climax

like wild animals we rise and fall

pressure pushing us towards madness

moaning and screaming we are shaken by release

you take me so much closer...

the stars

I dream of your eyes

running towards you

my heart outstretched

our minds touch first

amidst the swirling confusion

what if...

fate...aspects, alignment, position

intentionally blind, our faith intact

walking on the edge of the future

our hearts and minds on the cusp

I feel the way you look at me

the way you've always known me

I want to hold you so close

I will steal your pain away

feel it now, without trepidation

this is so real, you know it is

take it in your loving arms

it's all just a wish away

time (out)

so finite

so fleeting

listen

hear it

the slow,

steady

tick

tock

the timer

set long ago

forgotten now

there won't be enough time

imagine the next breath you take

is to be your last...changes things, doesn't it?

you can't buy any more than you have. ever.

justifying your future to validate your past

tilting at windmills, wasting your moments

rules to a game you never asked to play

so stop playing

walk away...now

take your life and go

you can...it's your life

live for today

yesterday's gone

no promise of tomorrow

know yourself

always make it count

this is not a test

don't leave your life

unlived...

it doesn't fail you

you fail it

illusion

I'm starting to think love is an illusion, just an apparition to occupy your mind while your life slips away. I've given and given and ask only to get as good as I give. The world is too caught up in it's selfish pursuits to see the big picture. We facebook and we tweet, but we refuse to be part of a real, challenging, requires-some-assembly relationship. Love lost is our loss...

wonderment (unfinished)

almost touching

you and I

soft and sexy

tactile sensation

burns so hot

feeling vertigo

spinning and dizzy

brought on by....

lost in this wonderment

my awe has been struck

knowing and doing

two entirely different aspects

my heart gets away from me

...secretly...I let it go

I won't slow my roll

no interest in stopping

if you won't keep up

you'll get left behind

pay attention

look alive

know the difference

between wants and needs

sometimes you need a want

don't watch as it slips away

my brother

anthony scott

november 15, 1971 - january 11, 2012

born in biloxi mississippi

the youngest of three boys

a beautiful soul who never understood the world

...nor the world him

I remember this August afternoon, last time we were together...

I'll miss you bro. It was a lovely train wreck.

at least you're free...

scott and daughter kayla fall 2011...............me...................my brother

no limits, no fear

sometimes

when it's quiet

I think I can hear

ghosts of my life creeping up on me

quiet footfalls of the choices I live in

I've never been happier

or more scared the sky is falling

choices, the idea of what can be

there's safety in the way you look at me

terror in the starkness of that beauty

excited and unsteady

drunk on the possibilities

your smile, my hope for tomorrow

feel my heart, pounding out a rhythm

pieces of me, coming together, almost whole

something so simple

my voice shakes

when I speak of home...

yeah...