peace

you are here

my breath slows
vitals stabilizing
your presence soothes
calms the beast

so much hidden deep
why spoil the view?
frozen, afraid to move
alas, no where to go

how is it you know?
with the eyes of a child
you see (no, you sense)
your empathy unrehearsed
generosity without measure
sincere, genuine
love pours from you
without condition
without judgement
without limit

completely without guile

you warm me as the sun touches the earth
your spirit renews my sense of hope
it is through you that I see the good
you are the filter, it is your gift
and in your selfless manner
you give it away

you know the secrets
judgement says nothing of the judged
a treasure not shared holds no value
love is to be given with exuberance
the gift is in the giving

fugue state

"I don't mind
most of the time
but you push me so far inside" GR


in the darkest shadows of night
hiding in my emotional bunker
armor worn thin from your latest crusade
I'm beaten and bloodied by your heavy hand
numb from pain, unable to heal

depression calls on me
(we are acquainted, old friends indeed)
she has a lovers knowing touch
she creeps in close, whispering softly
subduing, stifling, crushing hope

cold, loving hands take me slowly, gently
I go willingly, suffering my penance
a baptism of fire I never tire of
because without the pain
I feel nothing

(no) control

I won't do it again...
I won't put up with it anymore
the shame
the pain
the fights to validate your insecurity
the constant petty drama
for no good reason
to control

I won't be second again...ever
I won't walk behind and to the right
I won't be less than equal
I'm done explaining
I'm done justifying
I'm done walking on eggshells
afraid to wake the beast
afraid to breathe

you can't see...
through the mistrust
through the hate
through the haze of pain
your power is under your thumb
through judgment and condemnation
you rule and you punish
all for control

well, here's the scoop...
I'm not broken
you have no need to fear me
you never have
I have value beyond that of a scapegoat
for your self-imposed tragedy
life is so short
and I am out
of control

simple

energy...wasted
love lies bleeding while the argument rages on
love...
well, maybe not love
we call it love
but what is it really?
maybe (in)tolerance is the better word

we spend half our lives trying to find it
and the other half trying to destroy it
invalidate it, suspicious of pleasure
always waiting for the other shoe to drop
we subject ourselves to unspeakable pain
to unbelievable anguish and self-doubt
sleepless nights and cloudy days alone...
for love?

love isn't blind...
oh no (sorry, really)

love sees things that aren't there
a reason to find fault where there is none
love is too often conditional acceptance
of the untenable broken relationship
we are petrified to let go of...
what if...we're alone

real love is as light and delicate as meringue

(so sweet!)

it should know no limits
accept no boundaries
never judge or condemn

so simple
so painless
so necessary
so, so beautiful


I'd rather be alone than wish I were

mirror mirror

you know me...
I'm that guy you've been warned about
you know me
good. bad. otherwise.

God allowed you too close to me
now you see me, you feel me
you'll never change me
(not that you'd want to)

I'm a reflection of you
sure, it's more of a funhouse illusion
representing all you could've (should've) been
don't you just hate mirrors?

I'm a good bad example
a loser with a heart of gold
the rules I play by aren't in a book
no book you've ever read

yet somehow...some way
you see through me, to the real me
why aren't you afraid?
I'm a badman, seriously

your heart knows the depths
(and darkness) of my soul
you fulfill needs I never knew I had
we grow symbiotic in body and mind

don't be afraid
I won't harm you, hahaha
just stow your bag in the overhead compartment
and prepare for take-off

you have nothing to fear (but fear itself)

the ride

I feel
for the first time
in a long time
an unusual sensation
crazy and unfamiliar

do you remember how it feels
as you top out on a roller coaster?
the feeling as your eyes (and mind)
realize what's about to transpire
you can't stop it from happening
you're powerless against the pull of gravity
terror and joyous anticipation become one
....and then...
you're screaming down the other side
gathering speed, hair whipping wildly
your ability to breathe temporarily suspended
stomach rising, heart racing
the end of the world is near...

then it's over
sadly, it always ends

well, you know what sweetheart?
I ain't getting off the ride
I'm tired of standing in line, sun shining
watching others enjoy the day
if I'm only getting the one go around
it won't be wasted
I promise to leave it all on the field of play
just don't let the ride end