apparition

I'm beaten, worn thin
a fragile emotional hostage
weakened by insatiable hunger
vulnerable and exposed to the storm

I scream out, raging against the machine
the windmills I charge exist only in my mind
my shield is riddled with self doubt, my love unworthy
armor pitted and rusty, useless against the onslaught

I wake from my nightmare...

feeling your hot breath on my neck
your sweet voice gently kissing my ear
whispering my name...and the pain fades
the battle raging in my restless heart will be fought another day

at the end

floating
breathless
mind racing heart
down into the abyss
fluid and mischievous
in it's deepening obsession

dreaming
unconsciously aware
senses so overwhelmed
sinking and rising, repeatedly
building to an unbearable (beautiful)
yet irresistible crescendo of desire

screaming
it never stops taking me
I give in willingly, denial is folly
can't stop the slide down cupid's bow
so hot to the touch, burning me just right
stopping makes no sense, I wouldn't if I could

release...
oh no, don't ever let me go
this is the part I live for, the part I like best

(my)self

sense of self
strong, suffering
never quite enough
doubt built right in
unsure of who I am
or who you see
when you look at me

do you want me
as I am? hard to take...
or wish I was someone else?
not to worry, I often do too
sometimes acceptance
feels like tolerance
what have I done wrong?

temporary insanity
has come to stay
love as big as the sky
the id is crushing the ego
never afraid to let go
living in the moment...but
pleasure comes at a cost

instincts tell me
all is well inside
it's good to smile
to bend to the will
of an unyielding libido
no doom, no judgment
just light, love, and you

can you feel it?