dreaming (finally)

don't fade

stay in here with me

I need to know that someone still believes

...if I let my heart pour out, the dam would break. My words fall short of my thoughts. It seems no one wants what I most want to give away...my heart, my mind, my love...I want to feel, I want to touch...I need to stop wanting it so much. But I can't, I won't. This is too important. Love is my essence. I need to give it as surely as I need to exhale...and I've not breathed out in such a long time.

Why do I cry as I write these words? Am I so weak as to think I'm not lovable? What makes my heart so unappealing? Is it somehow diseased? Doesn't my desire justify anything? It's like I'm in a crowded room screaming at the top of my lungs and no one hears me. Why won't someone listen? I see the look in your eyes...you hear me, God damn it, I know you hear me!

Are my dreams impossible to realize? Is it not feasible to love someone completely, without measure, without limit or condition? Can I not feel the love of another? Maybe that's it, maybe I'm broken, unable to feel, numbed by the years of apathetic existence. Will no one ever look at me with the eyes of love? That gaze that says I know who you are...you're the one, and I've been searching for you for so long...

...I want to be remembered for what I gave away, what I shared, not what I took. Every night I close my eyes and think that tomorrow is another chance. I say it all the time, every day offers us the hope of our hearts, the ability to turn our dreams into our reality. I refuse to live in fear of never finding the heart that knows mine. I know it's out there and tomorrow may be the day it finds me. Life is so short and you have to sleep to dream...

12 hours later...

Life turns on (you) a dime, be ready for it...

Why are you all so afraid? Life isn't that hard.

It's just...life. It's beautiful and I refuse to be scared.

beautiful day

I woke this morning full of hope, full of love and knowing

the future holds all I can imagine and more.

special K

life never stops

hard and fast,

unrelenting

unforgiving

no quarter given, ever

unbearable pain

on and on and on

I see you, standing strong

back stiff, leaning into the wind

raging against the maelstrom

lightning flashing, rain pounding

you...shaking your fist, screaming

no time for fear, no appetite for compromise

not to be defeated, never to be conquered

possibilities exist that you create

your strength, beauty set in stone

the universe bends to your will

enthralled by your quiet power

amazed by your soft presence

please take me along for the ride

grant us your love, I beg

the waiting

I woke this morning

and you were there

not in a corporeal sense

but in every other way

I haven't seen you

but I know you

we haven't touched

but I feel you

life has become surreal

ghostly images of you

float through my dreams

my consciousness raised

I haven't held you

but I've felt your love

we haven't kissed

but when we do...

(oh my God, when we do...)

the clocks will stop for us

when we touch, we will become one

once I've held you, nothing else will matter

once we've kissed, our lives will be changed

for now

I must abide

anticipation building

my head knows the value of patience

my heart understands the reward of release

An Honor...

I want to give a big shout out and many thanks to Noelle from http://collectionofpoetry.blogspot.com/ for the huge honor

of featuring me as her "Poet of the Week"! Please take

a moment and check out her awesome blog!

Thanks for your support, Noelle!

Paul

when we meet

don't I know you?

if not in this life, in another

I see you in the distance

you turn and meet my gaze

dumbstruck by your beauty

my feet feel locked in place

the world is spinning out of control

this is where fantasy and reality begin to meld

we move closer, floating in time and space

I feel the electricity build as we are drawn together

to not allow this union would be to deny our very nature

as we close the distance our worlds begin to dissolve

now at arms length, hands reaching out urgently

just as we are about to touch, silent and driven...a spark

no longer a figment of our imagination, seizing reality

our fingers lock in an unbreakable grip (don't let go)

all the worries of our hearts released, we know

what will happen when we kiss?

when we are locked in a lovers embrace

feelings we dared not dream of, rising

defeating our fears, comforting our souls

and we will storm the gates of heaven...together

rocked (fear denied)

mind reeling

pulse racing

blood pumping

left speechless by our beauty

to feel your caress

soft, sensual and maddening

to hear your whisper

close, quiet and breathless

our lips touch, tongues dancing

velvety, wet, wanting

my hand in the small of your back

pulling you into my warm embrace

you push against me, skin on skin

overcome by primal need, pure passion

desire so intense it threatens to consume us

so cleanly, so gently, my life slips slowly into yours

tough time

my mind is so full today...I have overwhelmed myself...I'll get back to you

pieces

brave...and crazy

and I came to play

so worn out from the status quo

out for ourselves, never mind the cost

but what we protect is what we lose in the end

(I need to be honest at this point. I have no clue what I'm looking for.

Sometimes it seems almost indefinable, a complete mystery to me.

Have you ever stood so close to something you can't see it? That's what this feels like.

It has no form, no physical shape, no identifying characteristics, it's simply an idea...)

why can't we have it all? I don't understand

I want it all and I will do almost anything to get it

there are pieces of me scattered throughout so many lives

fragments of my heart, scraps of my soul, the tattered remains of a once vibrant love

come with me, lead or follow, walk or run, just don't stop moving

my legs are weary from carrying the weight of so much collateral damage

never meant to do harm, my heart once soft, now made of stone, untenable

help me put it back together, help me heal, help pick up the pieces of me

come undone (bondage)

awake and alone...again

moonlight casting a vague shadow

life seems thin in the flat grey glow

my heart slows, wants to stop

I pray that this isn't real

sheets wrapped around my waist

my mind twisted from neglect

face in the pillow, screaming out

breath becomes a shallow panting

feeling as though I've come undone

this part isn't easy...my head can't keep up with my heart

(why is the writing on the wall always in a language I can't read?)

I used to think I mattered

but what I think and feel

what I know, all I can imagine

is so far removed from reality

it feels as though I'm self-destructing

moving too fast through a world that doesn't know

I exist...pay attention! look at me!...please

there can be so much hatred in honesty

so much fear in knowing who you are

God, this is hard

tread lightly

sometimes you have to own your words...

sacred

here in the dark

lying next to you

our bodies so close

your presence overwhelms

searching the darkness

seeking a safe harbor

you see me as I am

frightened and strong at once

here in the dark

trust is difficult to find, harder to give

lay your head on my chest

feel my beating heart

I used to fear the dark

full of all that would do us harm

scared of what I could not see

now I embrace the mystery

we whisper in the dark

in this place so full of secret pain

ancient demons that roam our minds

searching for the cracks in our faith

help me hold the darkness at bay

let's escape into the moonwashed night

holding each other in a dreamy embrace

here in the dark we are sacred

alone

lost in/to you

exposed by my heart

weaker than I should be

too vulnerable to survive?

my openness used against me

my ability to love suffers

must bad always follow good?

pain always follow pleasure?

why is it so hard to grasp

we are so close...so damn close

it should be peaceful, easy

uncomplicated and passionate

(can you feel it?)

it starts with such promise

ends in such sorrow

love shouldn't tear us apart

the self fulfilling prophecy

let's lift each other up

my soul could use the joy

take my hand and walk with me

feel my heart and love with me