not damaged

I don't understand
things you say (wait...what?)

you can’t understand
the way I feel (do you?)

(I just want to be myself)

walking paths so different

makes us unable to trust

vulnerability is dangerous

when offered to a weak heart

we’re living in our aftermath
among the collateral damage

day follows night follows day

we’re left to wonder the point
hoping we have what it takes

who said life was fair?
let's get over it and dig in
my hunger for you is insatiable

all I want is to hear your voice

what I need is to touch your face
to convince myself you are real
grab me, kiss me, take me

I think I'm starting to get this...

subtext

not quite sure
what you want with me
where (if) I fit in...
or do I?

so close
yet so far removed
this must be a...
mistake or misunderstanding
something lost
in translation

I'm not what you
expected
not what you
thought (hoped)
was in the box
what will you do
with me now?

care, love
attention
I need, I need, I need...get it?
see the pattern?

I'm not selfish
at least I
don't think so
do you?

I give, gladly (in quantity)
more than I get
I don't ask for equal measure
only effort

don't make me ask
for what you (should)
want me to have
I won't beg ever again

yours for the asking
please stop turning me out
arms and heart open wide
take advantage, (please)

white knuckles

your hand in mine
so tight it hurts
surprised by my heart
I want this to happen

breathing so deep
praying we don't fall apart
wonderful, impossible
and so hard to hold

I try with all my might
to wipe away your fears
our lives rearranged
holding on tight to hope

looking into your eyes
never revealing their depth
it's hard to imagine sometimes
so captivated by us

hoping to survive
hanging on your words
so desperately close
cheating destiny to be in you

voices in my head screaming out
as life quietly passes me by
my heart is so empty without you
I need a kiss to seal the deal

apparition

I'm beaten, worn thin
a fragile emotional hostage
weakened by insatiable hunger
vulnerable and exposed to the storm

I scream out, raging against the machine
the windmills I charge exist only in my mind
my shield is riddled with self doubt, my love unworthy
armor pitted and rusty, useless against the onslaught

I wake from my nightmare...

feeling your hot breath on my neck
your sweet voice gently kissing my ear
whispering my name...and the pain fades
the battle raging in my restless heart will be fought another day

at the end

floating
breathless
mind racing heart
down into the abyss
fluid and mischievous
in it's deepening obsession

dreaming
unconsciously aware
senses so overwhelmed
sinking and rising, repeatedly
building to an unbearable (beautiful)
yet irresistible crescendo of desire

screaming
it never stops taking me
I give in willingly, denial is folly
can't stop the slide down cupid's bow
so hot to the touch, burning me just right
stopping makes no sense, I wouldn't if I could

release...
oh no, don't ever let me go
this is the part I live for, the part I like best

(my)self

sense of self
strong, suffering
never quite enough
doubt built right in
unsure of who I am
or who you see
when you look at me

do you want me
as I am? hard to take...
or wish I was someone else?
not to worry, I often do too
sometimes acceptance
feels like tolerance
what have I done wrong?

temporary insanity
has come to stay
love as big as the sky
the id is crushing the ego
never afraid to let go
living in the moment...but
pleasure comes at a cost

instincts tell me
all is well inside
it's good to smile
to bend to the will
of an unyielding libido
no doom, no judgment
just light, love, and you

can you feel it?

unsaid

what you are is beautiful

the heart you hide

behind that smile

holds your secrets close

wounded as we fear

sharing a common scar

allowing another to bandage

something no one has ever seen

the past sapping our strength

robbing us of imperfect dignity

wrong is only skin deep

healing is the hardest thing

alone with you

another day passes

without you in my arms

distance and emotion

co-exist out of balance

there is so much to lose

tucked into this fleeting moment

I don't take what I don't need

so give me back my peace of mind

before you there was a void

completely full of nothing

my church has no choir

nowhere to kneel

my fruit is rusty

rotten on the vine

you feel me but you don't get me

survival and love, a conflict of interest

familiarity breeds contempt

love means always, forever

having someone to blame

human in nature, neglected

this temple can burn with passion

or crumble from neglect

honesty from guilt

like gold from lead

it takes more than heat

to burn this down...

tired of being the example

giving it all away

nothing left

alone

at long last

(un)discovered

distant thunder

lost...in you

feel my shimmering heat

watching the mirage dance

in the distance (clouds build)

all I want

buried deep inside

my soul intentionally blinded

by my heart (lightning always strikes twice)

so far away

from here and now

I hear the muffled rumble

echoing in the distance (the sky is torn)

light of love

breaking the horizon

the sky splits open before us

we feel so cold and naked (in the falling rain)

the clouds break...

the distance

between us and then

grows greater everyday

walking away from what's behind

this is the moment

when it all falls into place

hold my hand as we gravitate spacewards

all we've held back, all we want, spills from us

this is going to be so good...

truth is, I don't know where to go from "here"

never have I felt as right as I do in your embrace

you have taken me into your heart and I sleep better there...

all at once

I feel deeply

so strongly

I can't shut it off

don't want to

it's maddening

and wonderful

all at once

cheating gravity

waiting on the crash

(always) harder than the last

what a delicate mess

I feel you

I know you

I want you

I love you

catch me when I fall

unbound

wake me up
your whisper
echoing in my ear

I won't say a thing
take my love
make it yours

falling so hard for you

swept away in your sea

knocked completely off my feet

in the depth of a breath

I sense your hunger so ripe

a love so incredibly, indelibly urgent

(I hunger too...)

taste my trembling lips

untie and feel my fragile heart

help release me (us) from this exile

closer

close to the edge

and so far removed

I need something good to die for

a desperate need to feel you

warm and willing, touching me

filling me with excitement and wonder

anticipation colliding with intent

the heat of your body arousing me

all my senses alive, awake and tingling

you sense the urgency in my touch

agonizing hot flesh warming my eager lips

your entire body heaving as my tongue finds you

my hand in the small of your back

lifting and joining you in a gyrating dance

penetrating you over and over as we near climax

like wild animals we rise and fall

pressure pushing us towards madness

moaning and screaming we are shaken by release

you take me so much closer...

the stars

I dream of your eyes

running towards you

my heart outstretched

our minds touch first

amidst the swirling confusion

what if...

fate...aspects, alignment, position

intentionally blind, our faith intact

walking on the edge of the future

our hearts and minds on the cusp

I feel the way you look at me

the way you've always known me

I want to hold you so close

I will steal your pain away

feel it now, without trepidation

this is so real, you know it is

take it in your loving arms

it's all just a wish away

time (out)

so finite

so fleeting

listen

hear it

the slow,

steady

tick

tock

the timer

set long ago

forgotten now

there won't be enough time

imagine the next breath you take

is to be your last...changes things, doesn't it?

you can't buy any more than you have. ever.

justifying your future to validate your past

tilting at windmills, wasting your moments

rules to a game you never asked to play

so stop playing

walk away...now

take your life and go

you can...it's your life

live for today

yesterday's gone

no promise of tomorrow

know yourself

always make it count

this is not a test

don't leave your life

unlived...

it doesn't fail you

you fail it

illusion

I'm starting to think love is an illusion, just an apparition to occupy your mind while your life slips away. I've given and given and ask only to get as good as I give. The world is too caught up in it's selfish pursuits to see the big picture. We facebook and we tweet, but we refuse to be part of a real, challenging, requires-some-assembly relationship. Love lost is our loss...