transported

When I woke up this morning, the world felt right. Sometimes you have to put your life in perspective, you have to look at the highs and the lows and realize that even though it isn't perfect, it's pretty damn good. You wake up and have a cup of coffee, knowing you are loved and feel the warmth of the sun on your face and in your life.

I like where I am, I like what I do and I like where it's going. I'm inspired by green eyes and clear thoughts. Good days being followed by great days. I feel it. Bring it...

your green eyes

green eyes

not

just a color a mood

sometimes in the middle of...

strange

out of place

you've touched me

reached right out

grabbed me

I sense my grasp on reality.........slipping

I know the love I feel is real

yours mine ours

is it the same for you?

does your mind play tricks on me

excitement making you anxious to know

love can feel like a bus

running me over or

a wind

lifting me like a leaf, gently

blowing me in your direction

often

I can't tell the difference

help me feel this, make it real

please

refugee

I lie awake

night enveloping me

thoughts of you creep in

stealing my heart's fear

longing for your touch

soft and sweet, purposeful

friend, lover, savior

insecurities melt away

wish I were with you

closing the distance

discovering our potential

detaching from the pain

passion is hard to find

even harder to hold

you give me faith

we give me hope

live, love, learn with me

don't fear the night

it belongs to us now

stay and burn...

like a house on fire

the weight

breathe
calm down
stop
just stop

somehow
my enthusiasm
makes you uncomfortable
why?
is it the intrusion?
(your life's a prize?)
what is it about
emotion
that creeps you out?
is it the exposure?
vulnerability?
responsibility?

you really want
reward without
risk
sensation without
stimulation
love without
exposure

where's the adventure in that?

fate loves the fearless

this would be so much easier if I could only stop caring...but you give me hope (damn you)

...why does asking for your love make me weak?

more to come...

the unknown

there is no safety in the unknown

but it is our only hope

live and love fearlessly

(re)born

take all you want

(want all you take)

feel the way you hate

(hate the way you feel)

it's been a while since any of this made sense

the things we're most frightened of are the most worthwhile

can't you feel that? the adrenaline rush coming on

embrace this feeling...so visceral, so pure, so real

the spark in your eyes is all I need to set myself on fire

ask me to stay and kiss me hard, I know you want to

lay your head on my cross and whisper to me with your hands

we are a temple, a new religion, a brand new dogma

driven by our needs and animal instinct...unashamed

we climb the altar to consummate, a carnal sacrifice

our bodies and lives come together in perfect union

hips grinding, frenzied eyes lock, breath coming in gasps

inhibitions fall away with our old skin and we are reborn

intervention

soaring high above my damage

broken wings worrying me

so much closer to the flame

exposed by my naive heart

apparitions hovering above

spirits of my hopeless quest

life, full of fear and angst, remains

merciless, empty, and far too long

in vain my soul survives

fodder for this pointless flesh

choices seem even more irrelevant

deviants should never pray

falling into the dead, black sea

floating in my abandoned words

irresistible forces tug at me

drowning in the undertow

self-medication/meditation

I've only just become addicted

aren't lovers always the suckers?

chasing the dragon, proving our worth

I'm so tired of it, all I need

sick of giving it all away, nothing left

I watch the lights go down and I know

closer to the flame, nearer to the blame

if we could only

chemicals between us

we don't/can't comprehend

missives and thoughts

become reasons and lies

hope strings us along

faith is a subterfuge

love a mirage...wavering

always in the distance

wandering through my life

alone, often as not (alone)

yearning for the craving

will it ever be real again?

remembering the future

I've waited

forever

to feel

wanting

needing

remembering

hot breath

soft touch

sensual and perfect

evidenced in your eyes

I run breathless to you

collapse at your feet, spent

knowing you will realize

my heart will reach your sea

perfect aura surrounds us

keeping me safe and sound

remembering what we will be

dreaming (finally)

don't fade

stay in here with me

I need to know that someone still believes

...if I let my heart pour out, the dam would break. My words fall short of my thoughts. It seems no one wants what I most want to give away...my heart, my mind, my love...I want to feel, I want to touch...I need to stop wanting it so much. But I can't, I won't. This is too important. Love is my essence. I need to give it as surely as I need to exhale...and I've not breathed out in such a long time.

Why do I cry as I write these words? Am I so weak as to think I'm not lovable? What makes my heart so unappealing? Is it somehow diseased? Doesn't my desire justify anything? It's like I'm in a crowded room screaming at the top of my lungs and no one hears me. Why won't someone listen? I see the look in your eyes...you hear me, God damn it, I know you hear me!

Are my dreams impossible to realize? Is it not feasible to love someone completely, without measure, without limit or condition? Can I not feel the love of another? Maybe that's it, maybe I'm broken, unable to feel, numbed by the years of apathetic existence. Will no one ever look at me with the eyes of love? That gaze that says I know who you are...you're the one, and I've been searching for you for so long...

...I want to be remembered for what I gave away, what I shared, not what I took. Every night I close my eyes and think that tomorrow is another chance. I say it all the time, every day offers us the hope of our hearts, the ability to turn our dreams into our reality. I refuse to live in fear of never finding the heart that knows mine. I know it's out there and tomorrow may be the day it finds me. Life is so short and you have to sleep to dream...

12 hours later...

Life turns on (you) a dime, be ready for it...

Why are you all so afraid? Life isn't that hard.

It's just...life. It's beautiful and I refuse to be scared.

beautiful day

I woke this morning full of hope, full of love and knowing

the future holds all I can imagine and more.

special K

life never stops

hard and fast,

unrelenting

unforgiving

no quarter given, ever

unbearable pain

on and on and on

I see you, standing strong

back stiff, leaning into the wind

raging against the maelstrom

lightning flashing, rain pounding

you...shaking your fist, screaming

no time for fear, no appetite for compromise

not to be defeated, never to be conquered

possibilities exist that you create

your strength, beauty set in stone

the universe bends to your will

enthralled by your quiet power

amazed by your soft presence

please take me along for the ride

grant us your love, I beg

the waiting

I woke this morning

and you were there

not in a corporeal sense

but in every other way

I haven't seen you

but I know you

we haven't touched

but I feel you

life has become surreal

ghostly images of you

float through my dreams

my consciousness raised

I haven't held you

but I've felt your love

we haven't kissed

but when we do...

(oh my God, when we do...)

the clocks will stop for us

when we touch, we will become one

once I've held you, nothing else will matter

once we've kissed, our lives will be changed

for now

I must abide

anticipation building

my head knows the value of patience

my heart understands the reward of release